THE TRIP TO THE DENTIST

I may be registered self employed...but, I’ve not had any paid work in over three years now, but then, I've turned down some major things...should I have turned them down?...well this is the question...it's best not to think about that stuff...or is it?

I’ve just been to the dentist where he asked me...“what is it you do?”...I said “errr...wellll...I’m self employed...I...um...do animations” he said “oh right, who have you done animations for?”...I said...”I um...well I do them for myself...I’ve er...I’ve not actually done any paid freelance work in over three years now” then there was a silence and possibly a glare at me... and then nothing was said about it at all as it's very difficult having conversations at the dentist with your mouth open.

My dad then paid for the bill...

I walked out of that dentist and felt very down...and see myself as a failed artist and possibly even a failure as a person. I honestly came out of there feeling really quite rough emotionally, I felt like maybe it's wrong to be living in your parents cellar...that I should really leave home and get a job...that my focus has gone down the wrong path...the thing is my parents aren’t really normal parents, they have no problem at all with me living at home. That’s not really a normal reaction from parents.

The thing is, I don’t really help myself, this journey to the dentist was the weirdest thing, I felt overwhelmed...I live in a very remote part of Scotland and never see anybody my own age...but I do like the peace and quiet of the countryside...I can honestly say that it helps the process of making films...but sometimes the gap between going into the city becomes quite big, and well, you start to forget what its like there...I was looking out the window, there was so many people in the streets, and such a HUGE number of cars...couples holding hands, mums with kids in push buggys. And women!...hot looking women. I’m at the window of my dads car thinking “wow, look at that!”

The communication with the dentist was the first time I’d spoken to anybody who wasn’t my parents in quite some time (we’re talking months here) and I don’t think I dealt with it very well.