Why blow the trumpet?

Blowing your own Trumpet

Meaning
Act in a boastful, self-promoting manner.

I’m not sure that I’m being boastful, what the intention is or was here...is that some people I know tend to be a bit um well, they say things like “film is a nice hobby Michael, but you wont make money out of it.”….now that gets me a little bit pissed off, and is the reason why I post the quotes from articles written about me. I like to believe that someday I will be making films that might bring in some money. I’m not going to be beaten anyway.

I’m definitely acting in a self-promoting manner though, but you HAVE to. My massive self promotion campaign across online video places and forums brought these two good things to me. It seems the more you go out of the way on the promotion stuff, the more good things come your way.

Blowing the own trumpet again

This was again...totally out of the blue for me, not quite the same as the last story, the last story was that I...well I go on these publicity campaigns on big forums...they delete your post sometimes because its braking their rules, but they asked me if I gave them something they would write a small article and put it into their news. Anyway, that was last time...THIS time its totally 100% out of the blue, and is in a print magazine, which is always a nice thing to happen. Many thanks to whoever sent them the link to my video, because I did not.

"Independent filmmaker Michael Dowswell shot this film in south-west Scotland, when his town was completely covered in snow. Though not much happens, the majestic imagery and thought-provoking imagery more than makes up for a lack of real story."
--Digital Video magazine



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The frustration in my mind I have with CG

I said to a good friend of mine a while back...that “this was it, that’s me finished with animation...no more, I quit”...lol. And I was at the time and still am today, sometimes quite passionate about that. Forever is a long time though.

The pull factor of CG is the fact that it doesn’t cost any money, you can do anything you want with the camera. This has always sucked me in.

BUT…I HAD, to go back to Erráns Alba though, because I had done SO much hard work in 2005 on it. Its not good to leave something like that unfinished, and for all its faults, its got some nice things that I’m happy with going on in it. But one thing that haunts me is how I’m constantly compromising the story for my film. Its upsetting because the STORY is the MOST important thing, and it’s the story that’s constantly being altered because of various technical difficulties...you should never ever be concentrating 100% of your effort on cinematography (guilty of doing it a lot).

Bus Uncle

This film on youtube is the proof that something with bad quality image and bad quality sound can still be classically entertaining and funny...I mean seven minutes is a long time to keep a audiences attention...and it really DOES keep your attention. Its amazing this, shot on a mobile phone, and all in subtitles...it’s a strikingly good example of how content or story shines through bad sound and picture quality.

The John Butler Trio

Amazing, simply amazing...his music which I listened to way back in 2006, I came back to the other day, it’s a odd thing sometimes I don’t listen to music for quite a while, then have a music orgy, and just staggering how good he really is…

Lively, diverse and uplifting music. He goes straight into my favourites. Superb bass and voice...cant recomend these four songs highly enough.

http://www.purevolume.com/thejohnbutlertrio

Erráns Alba: part 2

part 2 is now online...

To view part 2 of Erráns Alba, or part 1 for that matter, click here. Its been quite some battle, very draining, and I seem to jump in and out of hating the final thing to loving bits of it. Sometimes I hate all of it. then i realise that the wall shot is prtty good. Still though, cg LOOKS like cg...and this whole thing looks a bit like in game computer graphics...but I spose I shouldn't be too harsh on myself.

Blowing ones own trumpet

Don’t know to post in here or not about this...BUT, it is a record of what I've done and whats going through my mind at the time of posting, though don’t like to blow the own trumpet...but does make you feel that all the hard work and perseverance and starting to pay off when they write a article on your efforts.

"In a world of increasingly larger budget fiction and fantasy it isn't easy to get people to stand up and pay attention, but with inexhaustible patience and effort some individuals and groups create something unique with only their sweat and determination. Errans Alba is just such a work"
--sffworld.com


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Asking friends for advice

Why do I ask my friends opinion on important matters in life?...because I need to gather the minds of who I know to be wise and look at the problem from many different angles, I do not see this is a bad thing. I believe that EVERYBODY has something to bring to the table, fair enough, some people are lacking in first hand experience but I find it striking and continually amazing what people have to say, all people on this earth seem have this thing where they are extremely wise one minute then extremely stupid the next, its incredible. I believe everybody is a specialist at some topic, because everybody is living a different role in life.

We’re all continually developing, we’ll be developing when we’re 80 years old, and we’ll all have a different knowledge too. But it’ll be the people who take risks in life that’ll be the ones to get good advice from and have a interesting story to tell...though i still say everybody has somthing to say.

Major change of plan

Some major changes going on over here on the film I’m directing, the score which I myself was doing has been ditched, though the music on the teasers is still mine, the music for the final animation will be all composed by my father Harold J Dowswell. There was an awful lot of pressure for this to be done all by me for March, health was failing (still feel shattered) and what he has done is very good so it makes the animation better, which ultimately is what its all about. Lets just hope the two of us dont kill each other in the process...lol.

Discovering what a press kit is, and some perseverance that paid off

Only just found out the other day what a press kit is. Amazed at how much you learn about something when you really throw yourself at it, it’s a very interesting process and is really rewarding to move from not knowing about something to knowing about something.

The story of perseverance also very interesting for me at this moment in time over here. I’d been getting a lot of deletion posts at science fiction forums, posting promotion/awareness posts about my animation...so I changed my plan to mention the truth, that I’m really not making much money out of it...yet. I mean $12 in a month really is not good, I really don’t know if I ever will make sufficient money out of this either. I hope I do. Anyway, changing the post to mention the struggle I’m having resulted in me being contacted by somebody saying that he/her would like to do a article on their site about my film. So that was fantastic news, and proof that perseverance works.

Something odd...

...that I’ve just thought about/been reminded of.

In November and December 2006 I had a lot nightmares, I was pretty stressed at that moment in time and they were quite bad ones in that you would physically wake up.

Now the odd part for me is that I’m very stressed again at the moment, but have not had a dream in a long time, I didn’t seem to dream in January, and have not had a dream this month either. I don’t understand this.

Problems sleeping

I cant seem to get to sleep or remain asleep for very long, thoughts are running wild, it was quite a few 5 or 4 hour a day sleeps and I was feeling very rough , and finally I’ve just had a much needed 9 hour sleep.

Saturday Morning

I seem to feel better today, more at peace for some reason (I don’t know why) I can speculate, I was extremely extremely tired and needed sleep badly, it never seeses to amaze me the power of some sleep (though was not good last night lying in bed trying to get to sleep) they say that lack of sleep is extremely bad, and induces heavy depression.

Speaking to her and hearing at the end of the last conversation that she wants the same as I do...for the depressing talk to end, for there to be a positive vibe in our talks as friends...I feel better that she is at peace, Its always been the way that I’m upset when I see that she’s upset and vice versa. To be honest, I still don’t understand her, she’s a complete puzzle to me.

10:38am Saturday

Feeling really rough very again, I cant seem to concentrate on anything. Everything's getting to be too much. I must try to get this press kit to SFF World regardless of how I feel.

Overwhelming feelings of remorse and hurt

People say no remorse Michael, shut it out, but how can I?...I’m a human being with a set emotions built in there, its very overpowering. I have always thought too much. Can't shut out thoughts. One of my main focuses in life is to be a good person or to become a better person.

Its now more clear than ever it was before, you make a mistake in your life then followed by another mistake, and then you run away in the opposite direction where you may have had the chance to sort the mess out after the second mistake, though she did say that was it over...I made the decision to accept that, cut myself off from every living soul in the world and gradually went off and had another love affair with animation.

I can see how this leads to people committing suicide now. Because I can only imagine that much further down the years in life...if you continue to make big mistakes, then the number goes up and the odds become slimmer that you will make a right decision to find happiness, but I’m not sure it may well all hinge on making the one big mistake in the past for them. This is just a theory.

And this feeling hurt part of me that’s going on and continues to go on has been quite huge, I cant even go into the details of it in here, its very very powerful, and visual too, cant seem to shut out imagery of it and its causing a lot of problems sleeping at night. I don’t know what to do.

Somebody has to take the blame

I think I finally have to accept blame on what happened, somebody does…and I will go forward and say that it is has to be me.

I did not work at our relationship, and by god, you have to work at it a hell of a lot or it all falls apart, you have to realise this I think AT THE TIME or you are screwed... I walked away from it like a coward because?...I don’t honestly know, I can speculate...25 years of being single I think puts you into a extreme situation, one that your not ready for….and certainly I did dive into the deep end very much so, and ever since the age of about 19 I have fought depression...its there running along parallel with you in everyday life...you can push it away for a tiny while but it comes back. I would say that people have to be aware of this...that you cannot receive or give love when you are depressed, which puts extreme stress on your relationship, far away from home (very far away) adds to the depression I think (not altogether sure on this one) ...but it was communication that was the much needed thing, but then the person you love doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, and wont leave you alone either. It is a extremely difficult situation and anybody who goes through this has my sincere sympathies.

Unprecedented feelings of hurt

At the moment I’m not feeling good at all, I’ve got these blotches on my skin, mentally I feel extremely down, I’ve also had a stomach bug thing now for about 2 weeks. This is probably salmonella though I don’t know for sure. The blotches have to be Eczema as they are sandpapery.

It hurts when you step out onto new ground and attempt (and fail) to do what you hold as being one of the most important things to you at that point in your life, it hurts like hell. And also it stays with you to the grave...you also expand your knowledge on knowing who you are to the point of possibly knowing all there is to be known, which I personally think is a dangerous thing OR a extremely useful thing for the future. But I can tell you, it does not right now feel very useful at all.