INAUGURATION DAY

This was a incredible day for me...very hard to explain without making a very long post here but here we go.

I hope it doesn’t read that I’m a lunatic...but, well, it's a big thing when I have to drive into town...which is what we did on this 20th January...which also happened to be Inauguration day for Mr Obama.

Unexpected drive out into town I add here. My mum wanted to get her pension photo done and to do some shopping...so off we went...I know I keep bringing this up like some sort of a stuck record, but I hadn’t been out of the house in a very long time (again) and its quite amazing to go out into a populated place when you haven't for such a long time...mind you, I didn’t bump into any shitty people this time round, so maybe that was part of the reason why it was so enjoyable.

I’m just looking at the calendar and it looks like I haven't been out of the studio in five weeks. When I got there to the town, it was of course...new faces of people you dont know...it's really very interesting...difficult to explain...very new is the best way I think I can explain it...but also somewhat makes me feel like a fish out of water...I tend to probably not blend in...in fact I know I don’t blend in...because my behaviour is probably pretty odd on these journeys out there...I tend to look at a lot of things...architecture, peoples faces...I saw tree army men...one of them looked very friendly and happy, non threatening to be exact...then there was a lone policeman who looked a bit nervous and was kitted out with a heck of a lot of modern day gadgets on his uniform...(looked pretty cool)...and some lovely looking women...I really probably shouldn’t look at the women so much but I cant help it.

RETROSPECT: It's only when you get back home and start to think about it that you realise you maybe stared at the women in the bank sitting behind the glass too much...but, I hadn't seen one in five weeks, and they are after all the most beautiful creatures on the planet...but that woman that I passed on the street...she was looking at me way before I glanced at her...she also had a very intriguing expression on her face.

We went to a lot of places...this really old very interesting building that felt like something out of a post apocalyptic TV series, a Polaroid camera was used to take a photo of my mother...a huge Polaroid camera...I have to say that uncontrollable feelings took me over... the photo they have taken is really hilarious. I’m sorry about that mum.

We then go to a shoe shop...like a old fashioned shoe shop...there’s a really nice smell and the inside of the shoe shop feels very old fashioned...this again was very nice.

And while walking around these places (of which we went to a few of)...I couldn't help but feel that the people who run these shops are the type of people who might get excited about Fridays...or Friday at five PM...they might be or might not be the type of people who ask you if you have any plans for the weekend...they also might be the type of people who complain about Mondays...and honestly, seem to have a weight about them...and I have to say, it makes me feel sad...you can see there’s a weight of the nine to five job about their person... that they have to do because they have no choice...

"Everything comes at a price"
--Unknown

...Maybe though, the question about what plans have you for the weekend is just something people ask because they are trying to 1) Start up a conversation 2) Showing a interest in your life 3) Don't know what else to say

But why do I get a bit tetchy about that particular question?...this one and also "have a good weekend"...I shouldn't but I do...and it's a good question as to why I get miffed...my weekend is exactly the same as my week days...I never plan anything...I've never planned anything in my life ever...but...they dont know that though...and, it's a positive thing being said to me too that I shouldn't respond in a negative way to...so I shouldn't be upset about this...and... it is after all entirely my own fault that I do the same thing seven days a week.

I'm either jealous of the people who have their independence, having money, going out for meals, going out to the cinema, going out to the pub, having a girlfriend, having a wife, having their own house...and maybe upset that they have striked at the root of one of my problems...that there should be more to me than just sitting in front of a screen animating away (mind you, that’s not strictly true, I do try to exercise, talk to my parents and watch films / tv series / write / talk to people on the internet) but of course there’s a bit more to life than this...and I don’t seem to work towards building that life...or maybe I am, and it's just going to take a long time. But here we strike on another important topic...time, there’s not much of it...dear heavens, it's going fast.

I'm not living in a war zone though, I'm not homeless in the cold...and have food and a bed...and am happy about that...I have no right to complain.

Then came disaster, as we were walking back to the car...my mother falls off a double curve pavement into the gutter...into a big fairly deep puddle. She cuts her knee and is also covered in mud. The weather during this entire day was really nasty, the rain was like ice water being thrown at you, but also pretty cold wind.

We then bumped into two people we knew whilst doing the shopping at Tescos...one of which is the dude who has sent my film off to a film producer...I said some things in there about how I have problems with feeling that my films just aren’t good enough to be sent off out into the world and lord knows what he thought. What’s coming up next is the inauguration of the new president which ties in with this mess.


We get back home and unload the car...and eventually decide to watch the inauguration...which was a really interesting and at times a lovely thing, that I have to say surprised me.

The American optimism amazes me...there is a LOT to be said about this optimism...and really they should capture some in a tube syringe, and inject it into me, cause boy oh boy...I could do with some of that stuff!...
I hate to do this...but we are of course talking about me and my ability to hide my films from the world (not the online world, but from the film industry itself)

I must try to be more positive in my life….to try harder at not giving up so readily...but, at the same time I’ve always felt to be somewhat of a realist…when I might be misunderstood and targeted as being negative...because I’ve spotted that there definitely is confusion with some people in the world who can sometimes think that being realistic is being negative...it isn’t though, its being realistic...I want and know that my films would be much better and could be much better if they were done with miniatures.