NEGATIVITY OR ZERO PERCENT CONFIDENCE AND HOW ITS NOT GOOD

I recently started to bump into a very famous (or well he was very famous in seventies Britain) actor Ian McCulloch, who (very bizarrely) is one of the main characters in one of my favourite things in the universe

the post apocalyptic TV series survivors.He would visit our house quite a lot to do recordings of his songs (demo tape sort of things)

Each and every time I met him and went away from the conversation I thought to myself “oh fuck!...Michael, your so negative aren’t you!!!”...he seemed to evoke that reaction in my mind...he seems to have quite a confidence about him, or certainly a directness and a belief that what he’s doing must be sent out once its been recorded...and then he sets fourth and DOES it.

Now I really admire how direct he is too, and admire somebody who sends their work away off in the post.

And this is the part where I feel really stupid, because when you think about it...if you don’t have that belief in you that what your doing is good, then why not give up altogether?...so its really very stupid to go around saying “oh I don’t really like what I’ve done, and I don’t really want to send it anywhere” and yet...THAT, that is exactly what’s been going on for nine years now.

He genuinely wanted to see one of my films (something's that I’ve never come across before) (I've never actually met a actor now that I come to think of it) and so (my dad who isn’t shy about going on about how he did the score for Errans Alba) insists that Mr McCulloch sees that one. He sees it and seems to really like it. And then asks if its been sent anywhere, to which the answer in my head at this point is “well, I don’t really like the film and don’t really want to send it anywhere”

Eventually he seems to want to send it off to a producer he knows, and with a awkward moment in the corridor I agree to let him do this...and he’s right you know, what’s the point in it not going out there to be seen.

I think what one of my problems is, that I don’t look to what is good about the film (because there are things about it that I like a lot) and that this really means, that there is something of worth there (even if its just a couple of sequences your happy with)