TITANIC MINIATURE SNAPPING IN HALF

I've never actually seen this before...I'd imagine it's on the DVD...in fact, I'd imagine the making of is probably pretty amazing.

BEING IDEALISTIC IS *NOT* A GOOD THING

I tell you this...right. There’s certain situations in life where you know outright what would be great...what would be ideal...but, they will never happen. So to be fighting against that and not backing off and not admitting to yourself that it's not possible to change what cannot be changed....well, that is a major problem and not a good scenario!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Quick entry here...very, very busy at the moment doing two animatics for a New Zealand competition. It’s been crazy...sometimes I do stop and paint some boxes for the city. I’ll upload some photos of it when I can. The animatics will go onto youtube and I’ll post them on here when they’re done.

NATURAL DAYLIGHT LIGHTS THE CURRENT WHITE CITY SETUP

Here we go.

WHITE CITY NOW VERY SLOWLY GROWING

Here's how it looks at the moment. Everyday I try to get more boxes...but its become a problem finding them...it's down to about one and sometimes no boxes per day...going to try perhaps to get other peoples toothpaste boxes...but i just hate asking people for anything.

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 6 OF 6

There’s always questions asked of how did you become a filmmaker and what sort of books do you have on it.

Now, this may go against my god a little...because Stanley (I’ve heard in the Berstein interview) said that whenever you start to do a new thing with your life you obtain lots and lots of books on the subject...well, when people ask me what sort of books I have on filmmaking the answer is always a bit of a conversation stopper...because, I don’t have any books on it. Now, you have to understand that it's not that I don’t want any books on the subject...I do...I really do...but, it's just that I (and this has to be the penny pinching Scot in me I spose) look at the price of these books and I literally go (in my head) “I’m not gonna pay that fucking amount!”...so the sad truth is one of being tight as a ducks bottom. It’s a shame really, because I probably would learn something from the books...but, until I get some sort of a income I refuse to spend the kind of money that these things are out there for.

This however could be the terrible situation of the information in the books leads me to some sort of highly important realisation and life changing moment, where I'm suddenly in a income sitation (because the information is so very good in the book).

But there is a heck of a lot of information out there now...we now have blogs, podcasts, DVD commentaries, DVD documentaries, twitter, email or coment blog communication with working professionals occasionally...we honestly have information overload. Not that I’m saying there can ever be too much information, and that it should stop being put out there. There is always at any one time...the much needed and welcome chance to stop what your doing and listen to another individuals take on the entire situation...I’ve never understood people who don’t listen to a group of peoples views and opinions...you have to stop and participate in it...and, there must be quite vigorous and honest debate in order to get anywhere...the horrible thing there of course is that people are accidentally hurt by misunderstandings.

It's best to (and also most interesting) to listen to the do-ers and not to the people who sit around being over the top pessimistic (and don’t seem to have done a thing ever...mind you, I have to say that they have extremely high and quite honourable good intentions / opinions that you kind of have to respect...but, at the same time I feel sorry for them too...because they have not done a thing...but, they refuse to do something that is not five star, which I kind of respect...it’s a funny sort of a thing I know...but, I can see exactly where they are coming from...because what is the point exactly of making something that is not great...that you are putting YOUR own good name on?)...the terrible thing for some of us do-ers is that we are in a situation where we have DONE something but we are nowhere near happy with the result...we've put something bad out there for the audience...and is that worse or better?...whatever it is we have to live with that...and it kind of puts us in the same boat too in a way...or possibly a worse boat because our name is now on somthing and we may have lost people due to bad work.

But, as I keep on saying...the only way to cling onto my sanity is to say that they show my ideas...my stories, conceptual designs and cinematography. I look at films like 2001 and Alien that use model miniatures as being the way I want to see my own work redone...and so I see them as animatics...a sort of presentation of my idea.

INTERIOR REDO FOR WHILE THEY SLEPT

Getting there on this now. It's much more how I wanted it to be.

WHITE CITY REPORT

Well my white city (which I’m calling my R&R project) has had to be put on hold here...for the simple reason being, I’ve run out of boxes...sounds crazy eh?...well, it is crazy!

R&R = Rest and Relaxation...the rest has been sitting in front of Deep Space Nine and the relaxation has been making the white city. It really is very therapeutic, because you don’t have to do much thinking at all...you just sit and paint these boxes. Once you have them set up its very interesting looking at the entire city...and even more so when you pull open the curtains in the morning, the natural daylight on it is therapeutic to see.

I spose I should be having a stab at actually making more boxes instead of waiting for more tea and toothpaste boxes...but, there’s no thick card to do that...and, the card would cost money.

So I’ve gone back onto the While They Slept scene redo I’d started the other day...then my mother appeared with another tea box...so strangely, this is something whereby I think boxes are going to come quite quick and fast...interesting!...we must get through a hell of a lot of tea!

The amount of boxes I need is quite large...god knows how many exactly, but I wouldn’t say no to two hundred right now. Currently there’s only twenty four.

BRIAN NEWMAN TALK

This is a really awsome presentation.

LOOKING MORE CITY LIKE

Just a quick update here. It's gradually getting there...the final thing will be 4 or 5 times the board its sitting on, which should be interesting, but I'm a fair bit away from that. but i cant wait to be playing around with it at that stage.

THE CITY IS GROWING

Some of it needs another coat of paint.

FAKING NATURAL DAYLIGHT

Trying to fake natural daylight at nigh time is never easy when you don’t have a budget. I basically have workmens lights that I bought quite a long time ago...a 500 and 250 watt light that cost about £15...I spose really I should buy another set...cause the more you have the better.

Here I did the old trick of turning them around to bounce / diffuse the light. Unfortunately you get into a situation where you have to do severe amounts of colour correction...mind you, this was because I pointing them at my reddish / orange curtains and so that was exacerbating the problem somewhat...but even so, it starts to loose something vital from when you do it with natural real daylight (if you look at the previous post you'll see what I mean). This is a problem if I’m going to make this thing bigger...but doesn’t look bad in black and white.

THE START OF THE WHITE CITY THAT COST NO MONEY

So why I am now doing this?...well I needed to seriously start to get away from the computer for one thing...and do something physical...and somthing that does't look perfect...I hate my CG work because it looks too perfect and because of the light quality in it (the shadows)...

It’s a bit of a reoccurring thing in art (this whole paint everything white business)...but, as I was doing it...I think I finally realised now, why, so many people have done this. You see it's because if you have no money then this is a way to get something done...all you need is paint...and you grab as many tooth paste boxes and tea boxes as you can.

NO BUDGET CITY

Sorry memory like a sieve at the moment. This is whats happening on my floor at the moment.

Again its more experimentation to see what is possible…it is a lot of fun too (which is what making a film should be?...) but what can be guarantee with this is when that sun of ours appears and I have this all set up (long way to go yet)...I will get real light hitting real things...and that’s my main reason for doing it...that and it gets me away from the damned computer.

MY SHORT STORY "THE VIOLIN" IS FINALLY WRITTEN

It's been a very interesting time with this one. I’ve even done a visual for it (not finished though...and just a experiment really) (area shadows are switched on because of frustrations with shadows)



It's highly, highly unusual for me to sit and write...but I was so incredibly frustrated and had to do it...it turned out to be the coping device I needed and it was also very liberating to write...I’m glad I did it.

WHILE THEY SLEPT ALTERATIONS

Theres a whole load of things going on over here at the moment...one of which is some redo's on scenes ive been doing for my animation While They Slept.

Here's one of them...




Obviously its not finished yet...and this isn’t even the final lighting...but it’s a scene I’ve never been happy with at all...so started a big redesign. I’ve recently been like a priest who's had reoccuring doubts about the existence of god...only my doubts aren’t about god, but are about CG...you see I have some major problems about CG...but I cant help but feel that things need to be completed...and that While They Slept could be used like a animatic or at least record of the designs and edit...I think I’ve said this before...but, it could be used like that...you have to understand that I’m not happy with it as a final product...I want it remade with miniatures...

...like this here...



My hopes and dreams are large...perhaps they are too large?...but I know that miniatures are the way I want to go...and that I want to my films to go to 35mm celluloid or even 70mm celluloid...this is the part where I’m saying that it’s a very big dream...I want to ideally hire Steve Howarth to do miniature models and do it all at Shepperton Studios...its (i'd imagine) ridiculously expencive, and how I get to that stage I have no idea...I'm actually still too scared to even email Steve Howarth!...which is somthing I need to get past!...but its alarming how self doubt can take over fast...because I supose really I'm a man who is not part of the industry and never has been...I'm going to need producers, executive producers and lots of other people...and so I dont want to contact him with it leading to lots of questions I can't give solid, positive, sensible and no nonsense answers to...I want the thing to sound that it's very serious and that it IS going to happen.

All of this has me wanting to have a stab at it myself...which I've been doing but not quite on a level that i'm happy with...I'm doing it all on a no budget level at the moment...more in the next post.

I'M BACK TO THE BLOG

Need to keep this blog going I think...kind of lost the will to live for a while there...it’s a long story but coping devices kicked in (as they always do) and now I’m a bit more relaxed and rational...I get very on edge about things and then it gets ironed out….you just gotto be grateful for life...I;m not living in a war zone...I’m not a homeless child on the streets of Moscow...I am very lucky to be living in a peaceful land with a roof over my head.

GOING TO DO ANOTHER MINIATURE

I’m currently working on my third miniature which is about ten feet by ten feet...In the past (and I can't believe it was exactly 10 years ago now) I made my first miniature set...it was a planet surface and sadly no photos were taken of the damned thing although I did strangely sit there and did a drawing of it...and I have that drawing...I know, strange?...well its been a very strange life. I then in February 2006 did another miniature...it was a sort of inspired I suppose by Cairn Holy which is a place I love. I sprayed water on it this time round and have some photos of it. I learned a lot again...and really did want to expand it (it was very small) but sadly it had to be taken down.

This is my 2006 attempt here...which was unfinished and had to be taken down.



I actually wanted this to be much, bigger and have trees...there was also problems with the soil being too big...but I have that under control this time...you learn a lot with each attempt. It's also wonderfully exciting to work on something that you can shape with your hands and bring rocks in...and sprinkle finely sieved dirt ontop of the larger rocks.

TO DONATION BUTTON OR NOT TO DONATION BUTTON

I’m going crazy over here at the moment. I’m struggling to sort out, in my brain, if it is OK to have a donation button...part of me feels its wrong...because the viewers can only view about 90% of my work online in a low resolution of 320x240...perhaps maybe if there were more HD things to look at I might feel less guilty about it...I want to offer a high quality viewing experience before I put up a donation button. My dad says that because everything of mine can be watched for free and has been enjoyed by some people...they should pay something / donate something if they feel they want to...I spose that is ok...but, I kind of still feel funny about it.

Maybe it's time to render more things out at 1280x544 and then there is a more justified reason for a donation button.

TOTAL OUT OF CONTROL CONFUSION ON WHAT IT IS I’M MEANT TO BE DOING / DIRECTION I’M MEANT TO GOING IN

I look at the animation and all I can think of is...that looks dreadful...this is not good enough...this is not satisfactory...and it makes me 1) Sad 2) Get into a state where I’m thinking of stopping doing it.

This is actually a reoccurring thing that I go through every now and again and I feel I’m in some sort of a loop...which is also sad inducing. All that goes round and round and round in my head is “I don’t know what to do about it”...ever since I created my first animation I’ve been addicted to moving images...and the step backward to anything else that doesn't move has always seemed not acceptable to me...and yet I look at some of my other friends one of which is doing paintings and comics...and there is a far, far better quality going on over there than there is over here...and whats been going on over here has been going on now for 7 years….the loop has been going on for 7 years now for gods sake!...haha *facepalm*

I've recently written a short story...and it’s a really great one (let me just tell you that its highly, highly unsual for me to say that anything of mine is great...but I believe this one is)...and its again quite unusual for me to sit down and write anything at all. So this gets me thinking that perhaps I need to do more of this...there’s is a unbelievably great and out of the blue feeling for me on the freedom you have in writing (when you have been making unending compromises on solo animation making for 7 years)...it felt extremely good...and it also made me think of that children's picture book I put on hold. However I am still very fond of the technique I’ve used to make all of my films...and a'm also amazed at how well it has worked (with regards to pacing and structure in editing...bare in mind i'm quite happy with myself as a editor and cinematogpher...just not happy with the way the animations look)...I get many people who think that my animations have been written and storyboarded...but only one of them was.

It's not good to think too much...there needs to be more action...there’s a saying about if you throw enough shit at the wall some of it will stick...well I’m possibly not throwing enough shit at the wall. (this is regards to the whole lucky break thing and actually it being your full time job and how I dont send my work out)

But if I return over to the satisfaction for telling the story you want to tell (which is a separate topic) thing for a moment (which is all about becoming better at something...we want to get better and better at something...not be stuck in a loop)...Me and my pen pal buddy Cos have a great admiration for Steve Ogden...who made a decision and stuck with it to go over into comics or graphic novel to tell his story.

THE REALISATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN BULLSHITTED TO FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE PART 2 OF 2

Yeah...another one was somebody saying to me that in order to enjoy making a film it has to be a collaboration and that it should not be done alone. Ok, well how the FUCK does that explain me then?...I have had some wonderful times on my own out there filming in the snow...filming in wild fields...and editing it all on my own too. I’m sorry but that kind of thing is poison being poured into a ear. There is nothing wrong with making films on your own...and I am extremely proud of the four silent documentaries I’ve made...sort of...I just wish they were on 35mm because they deserve to be.

NOTE #01: Sorry about the swearing...don’t take it too seriously.

NOTE #02: I do understand what the person is saying though...I don’t endorse complete daily isolation although some people sadly (and I do feel sorry for these people) have to live on their own. I’ve made a film once with a team...and it was highly, highly enjoyable and extremely memorable...I do kind of miss that...though at the same time was quite frustrating. Yep.

SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS 1080p THING

I think that after one render of one of my shots...I must be insane. It tends to show up the mistakes more...and also you look at it and feel that its not quite detailed enough...arg!...dear god almighty!...

Its also rather large...946MB for 7 seconds!...but, this isn’t / might not be a problem at all...a Terrabyte is pretty cheap nowdays...or, failing that and it doesn't edit and dies on me...I could just throw the shots onto DVD's and wait. It's a game of patience and persistence...or possibly RAM...I possibly need more RAM.

So where does this leave me?...well, I’m still very much in the experimental stages of it all...I want to push to see what is possible really, its interesting seeing it all at this resolution. Maybe I’ll put the teaser trailer onto Youtube in 1080p and get some feedback from people...if nobody can actually get it to play smoothly on their computers or wont download it because its too big...then there’s a problem there I would think.

YOUTUBE IS GOING 1080p

I’m just amazed at how fast things like this are actually happening...It’s a historic moment.

I’ve been rendering my animation Saturn 7 in 720p...but now, I’m changing my mind and going to step it up to 1080p (it’s rendering a shot right now...)...I’ve been working away recently to try and get the render times down and have succeeded.

The problem now of course (and always has been) is getting a audience. But think of it like this...if I ever send something to a company, they can sit there and watch it in 1080p on their big screen or cinema...that is an amazing thing.

For a long time all we could upload was something at 320x240...i rememeber those days well...though they are quite a while back now....but now we are crossing into a new era...we can now right this minute...upload, something at 1920x817...that is just staggering.

JOHN CLEESE ON CREATIVITY

I found this over at wishtales.com and had to post it here.

I conceptually design everything in my animations and so I take a great interest in interior set design in films and TV. I’m not a huge Doctor Who fan and never really have been...Or...perhaps I am huge doctor who fan who just gets disappointed a lot...that might be it...but, whatever the case may be, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love to look and follow...and get genuinely excited when a bran new interior design for the Tardis arrives. It's always very interesting.

To be honest I’ve always seen huge, huge potential with Doctor Who and I actually do love some of it...but I’ve felt there’s been a lot of lost opportunities with it...and that its track record has been rocky. I did however like the Easter Special in 2009...and felt that the Paul McGann one in 1998 was not bad...and how can you not love Tom Baker, John Pertwee and Roger Delgado...and then there was that crush on a few of his assistants like Katy Manning.

Anyway the word on the street is / was that with the new series in 2010 there is going to be a new Tardis interior. So I set out trying to find photos of it and then found this...



...which isn’t from the new Doctor Who at all...but for a moment I thought it was and got very excited...I have to say this is a lovely bit of design work...and i look forward to seeing the new one...there are some images out there for it, but they're very blury and we can hardly see anything.

SATURN 7 TEASER WITH DEPTH OF FIELD AND BIG CHANGE TO SHOT 3

Shot 3 was just not right...the wall looked terribly basic...and I couldn’t seem to figure out how to make it look better (I spose really I should have just redesigned the entire corridor...well, I’ve kind of done that here (in a way))

There’s some extremely annoying technical problems going on over here that make me want to rip my hair out. The Depth of field doesn’t seem to work very well in cinema 4D 9...or...I’m not doing it properly...but I’ve fiddled around with it for hours and cant make any sense of it.

THE REALISATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN BULLSHITTED TO YOUR ENTIRE LIFE...OR, JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING CAUSED BY NOT BEING AWARE OF SENSITIVE PEOPLE / OBSES

SIONAL MINDS / PERFECTIONISTS

There came a point in my life where I suddenly thought…”you know, various people you bump into when your young pour poison in your ear (probably not even aware of it and the damage its doing to the sensitive young obsessional artist) while your on your art college.”….there are various people who tell you that you shouldn’t be doing this and shouldn’t be doing that...example:

“you can’t draw horses like that...you have drawn them wrong. You can’t draw a tree like that...you‘ve drawn it wrong...”

These were teachers (who I don’t know how long they’ve taught at these art colleges), but you got the impression they had been there since the dawn of time (which is something I don’t think I fully agree with...I don’t think teaching for over twenty five years has done SOME of them any good) I’ve actually heard reports of young people who stop doing their art because some bastard lecturer has unwittingly said that “oh...your drawing that all wrong...”

SOLUTION FOR THE TEACHER:
These teachers have to be aware of the current mental condition of the student...and aware of the real outside world. They also should know a bit about psychology.

SOLUTION FOR THE STUDENT:
Information. The student (if very young) is going to acquire knowledge through experience...but I recommend studying a bit of psychology and remember the real world is completely different to the education world.

Perhaps I went to art college far to young...I was only sixteen when I started up...and had not had any interaction with any other people other than my parents for four years.

I’ve heard multiple times from fully grown adults that they cant / don’t have the right to do something until they have gone on a course and be taught the “proper” way to do it. Now don’t get me wrong...my degree introduced me to Cinema 4D and I am internally grateful for that. But be careful what you let people tell you and how it effects you…there is a very clear line between the education world, and what actually goes on out in the real world.

You’ll notice that various people went ahead and drew a tree the way they wanted to draw a damn tree, and became very famous and made a living out of what they do.

ANOTHER VERSION OF THE TEASER

It's getting a bit silly now (how many times I've uploaded this) but I keep trying to improve it with the details.

TWO MORE PROPS FOR SATURN 7

The prop designing and building is still going on.

PIGEON IMPOSSIBLE

It’s been completed...and I have nothing but a ever increasing accumulating admiration for Lucas...he did not wander off onto another project like I seem to have done over the last five years...it takes a incredible discipline to do that. He’s focused on quality, quality, quality.

I want to know what he’s going to do now though...because I cant help but see it says at the start Martell Animation...does this mean that he’ll continue on with his own company?...I really hope so.

WALK ON THE WILD SIDE - ALAN

Tears were literally streaming down my face at this one. I don’t think that’s happened since I was sitting in a cinema watching Little Miss Sunshine.

WHITTLE IT DOWN

I took the trailer (not the one below this but the previous one) to a fairly no nonsense artist and critic (I’ll add that he was most definitely constructive with his criticism and that it was 100% realistic)...I needed to do this. And he was right. So I’ve been adding details. The thing you have to remember with all of this I think, is, to whittle it down...so I started on the little box that’s in shot three. Here is a before and after….and a old still of the corridor (which is very similar to how it looks anyway)...its true that what he said is right...he said that it looked far too basic, and that it was like it was in the middle of a Work In Progress.

IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED...ADD MORE DETAIL?

It's one way to try and make things better...but it's still frustrating me.

NICK PARK 20 QUESTIONS

Another hero of mine.

ALIEN - 1979

Again another strong influence for me because of the way it's shot, edited and paced.

It's something I keep having to be aware of and remind myself to watch it every once in a while. It's a important film for me, and I honestly consider to be one of the very best science fiction films ever made...it induces me into a instant clarity of thinking about what science fiction is to me personally, and what excites me about the genre.

STANLEY KUBRICK

He honestly is without a doubt one of my biggest if not thee biggest influences of my work. I think the other major influence has been Werner Herzog and of course probably my father, who loves science fiction, classical music and computers...and so I grew up surrounded by science fiction, classical music and computers. But it still gets down to what you love, and I love classical music very much...so with Stanely I've always loved the use of the music...but It's also very much the editing and the wide angle photography that has me engrossed and highly influenced...I love the way he shot everything.

Stanley Kubrick's love for James Cagney and him seeing that Jack Nicholson had a similar sort of quality was a great thing for cinema when The Shining arrived.

And oddly I love synthesizers too. His collaborations with Wendy Carlos doing cover versions of famous tunes was another stroke of genius. Theres something incredibly wonderful about the noise that is generated from them. Nowadays we are extreamly lucky to live in a era where its possible to buy somthing that does the same sounds for not much money at all.

THE CURRENT SITUATION

So why are things so slow?...well the problem with being a linear organism and artist (with the invention of time and having goals / the pursuit of better films), is that with each new project you want to increase the detail level to “better” the previous film. With High Definition there’s now this strong desire all the more so, because of the increase of resolution. There’s also the very true statement about how detail is king...wait no, story is king.

Wait no...I’m sorry but so is detail. Now this creates a problem for me, because detail takes TIME to do. It’s a solo project and therefor a bit of a suicide mission because It makes the project much more fatigue inducing...its not as quickly manageable or instantly gratifying I think...meaning you are in a slower speed...which leads to a fatigue...that or...well, I’m getting older I spose. Not that old though...only twenty eight.

If story is king (which it is) then I may be in a spot of trouble there too. But I’ve been told that I create experiences...and I spose that might be ok...I don’t know if it is or not...ok it probably is ok...or is it? Certainly I’d love my characters to talk (that would be really nice and something ive wanted for years now). So I want to progress to talking characters...who wouldn’t?...its normal.

Internet friend and pen pal Mr Cos reckons that we are both in need of satisfaction and aren’t getting it...and I think he’s hit the nail on the head here 100%...it’s a case of not feeling satisfied.

So the answer may be, to go back to simpler set design which enables me to push forward in a far more satisfying way...hmm. I don’t honestly and realistically feel that I would be happy with that either.

SATURN 7 - TEASER 3 HD

I'm sorry that the progress is so painfully slow...it anoys me greatly that it goes so slow...it wasn't always like this. but thats the HD online now...I think the HD cheers me up a bit, it's certainly nice and sharp.

SATURN 7 - TWO SET TESTS

Working on a high definition widescreen one of this same little clip now. This 1.25:1 version seemed to be a bit of a disaster over at blip TV with the compression, and i really dont know why that happened...the original file looks fine.

I’m afraid I’m still in the conflicted state of not knowing wither to go 1.25:1 SD or 2.35:1 HD.

BlipTV Test

I’ve been making films and animations full time eighteen hours a day, seven days a week now for seven years...without making any money at it. This you will understand puts huge amounts of pressure on me because it means that (so far) I am justifiably a true failure at it. I did try various things to make money, all of which were failures...so now I’m attempting something called BlipTV.



Please if at all possible report back to me and say if you see any advertising on this video above. And to add here that this is new version of While They Slept.

A TINY BIT OF SATURN 7

It's going very slow at the moment. And I honestly get rather depressed about it...i'll probably feel better when I've had some sleep though.

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 5 OF 6

SERENDIPITY

Now serendipity definitely had a huge part to play in all of this (on multiple occasions) for example: when I shot my four silent short documentaries in 2006, they were very big (completely out of the blue) unplanned accidents, I never thought that they would edit together so well to music...and that the footage would be so good (you see a lot of it was only one take because that’s what documentary making with animals is like. The music itself too was also a accident, because I bought the wrong classical CD...which is rather embarrassing...but, my only line of defence is, that there are actually eight famous classical composers with the name Strauss...I just thought “oh waltzes, I want those!...oh there he is...waltzes...Strauss”...and bought it….it’s kinda stupid I know, but there it is. What’s strange is how well the music syncs up with the visuals which is either serendipity again or perhaps classical music just naturally fits to these things.

With my first animation...that too was a odd story where I was animating a walk cycle (a extremely difficult task as all animators know) and found the legs of the character floating / sliding...like he was in the air...so I then accidentally had him taking off...I thought to myself “well I could put a rocket on his back here”

GETTING CONCERNED THAT THINGS AREN’T GOING FAST ENOUGH

For quite a few years I was really on edge about time wastage...as the years go by you cannot help but think about your situation…”I’m not making any money here”…“I’m not leaping forward fast enough”...“I’m wasting my twenties”…”I’m incredibly frustrated because I’m not doing the films with miniatures, sets and actors”.

It's still occasionally one of my major concerns for me...that I suddenly have this moment where I REALISE that a large amount of time has gone past me, without me even realising that it has. Seven years has pretty much flown past, and I feel I’ve not really got very far along the road to making money at this.

WAS I A JACK OF ALL TRAITS AND MASTER OF NONE?

...it is true that I have never become a master of say character animation or upping my technical direction game...I’m really not a technical director but you have to realise that I do take on that job as well as all the other jobs too (on all of my projects)...but I think the projects suffer for this reason.

Some people will tell you you’re a jack of all traits and master of none and I don’t think they realise how damaging that can be to a young unconfident mind. These organisms are usually people who are not trying to be independent directors and don’t fully understand what they’re talking about.

DAVID P. BAKER

Now pretty much about 80% of what David says I already knew...but, it’s what you forget about, over the months / years of working away that he urgently reminds you with.

David’s shake up / earth shattering moment / knock blow into reality boost / tragic moment for me was, that if you want to make money at this (and haven’t been making money at it) and want to remain 100% independent, then you are going to have focus on targeting / reaching the audience for six months after you have made the film...it makes perfect sense, I mean what is the point in making these things...pouring every single piece of your soul into making the film to then rush and not think it through properly / end up only showing it to a handful of people. The right people need to know that there is a film out there they might be interested in. So it becomes very much a game of patience and hard work...your going to have to be very much a committed to six months of no filmmaking.

This for me is earth shattering because I make solo animations...which have very small runtimes and very, very large production times...I’m really not quite sure where it goes to next for me.

A FUNNY, UPLIFTING AND FASCINATING VIDEO

"Bobby McFerrin demonstrates the power of the pentatonic scale, using audience participation, at the event "Notes & Neurons: In Search of the Common Chorus", from the 2009 World Science Festival, June 12, 2009."

AGAIN ANOTHER TWO PIECES...AND AGAIN ONE NEW TO ME AND ONE FROM MY PAST

The first one is Handel again, and the second is by Reynaldo Hahn

TWO MUST HAVE MUSIC CHOICES

I recently discovered a piece of music by Handel which I would definitely use for a feature film documentary...I can see that the Handel might go at the very start of the film for the title card...and the Vivaldi which ive had my eye on for some time now would be good on the road music I think.

LONG THOUGHT TO BE LOST OR DESTROYED HOUR LONG HITCHCOCK INTERVIEW

WHAT HAPPENS DURING METAL MELTDOWN?

Well I tweet a lot. I start to think a lot too...there’s a lot going on in the old brain right now. I seem to want a better camera. But I want to use the camera I’ve already got too...but I would really like to use that place I discovered a while back called Create Space which is a self publishing and distribution place...I’m absolutely fascinated with that idea and it keeps resurfacing in my mind.

I watched a little bit of the first episode of the new Steven Fry documentary too...Last Chance To See its called...its too big a file to download though so had to stop, it looks great though (well editing was a bit too frantic for my tastes if I was to nit pick)...but again there I am greatly inspired by it...it’s a wonderful thing the documentary format. I want to use my camera I have (because the damn thing has hardly been used you know...)...to make a feature docu...but I want to make damn sure it’s a good one...this would be the first time for me to take on a feature, so far its all been shorts…some sort of adventure across Scotland...maps are fascinating things...and you can get a story by just simply starting to walk...It’s a tried and tested idea, but its one that nearly always works.

I also had the idea of doing either a solo debut synthesiser album or book...which I can again use Create Space for self publishing and distribution. If I can get past the horrendous self doubt and actually record some tracks...this MAY be possible. I had a go tonight on the Korg and it wasn't so bad. I think it’s a fairly tangible idea actually. It might be quite experimental...hell it might even be FUN. I’m meant to be getting away from the computer though. Hmm.

MENTAL MELTDOWN

Ok, prepare for whining attack!

I’m experiencing at the moment what can only be described is some sort of very bad burnout. I think there’s multiple meanings behind the word burnout...but my one at the moment is, that I’m just really mentally and physically tired...exhausted. You see I find the technical aspects of the project very draining...I’m by no means a fast worker when it comes to the technical stuff...some people are BANG BANG BANG...I’M DONE!...but I’ve never been like that, I’ve always been slow with the technical stuff...I’ll spend forty eight hours focusing intensely on trying to figure out how to fix a problem and sometimes never get it figured out...some of my problems I’ve *still* not sorted out after seven years.

I’m really very fast at other things...lighting, camera work, editing and concept design...it’s kinda strange that its like that, but I spose its how I’m wired. In the hypothetical situation of me working for a big company, I would most likely be in one of those areas and the project would be far more efficient...I understand that, I GET it. But there is a deep determination and stubbornness / arrogance in me that wont let go of the INDEPENDENT filmmaking / no budget role / commanding of the army of the eleven Michael Dowswell’s on suicide mission. I’m like the jack russell that wont let go of the squeaky toy.

I’ve got two major projects going...While they Slept (its not had any work done on it in ages but needs attention and I WANT to give it some attention badly...I did today, I opened up some files and had a go at tinkering with one of the shots)...it’s a project I’m actually quite proud of I think. Its certainly been received quite well which helps you feel better about what you do.

I changed the monitor height so that it was on a huge box, so that I had to physically stand at the computer...this lasted two weeks and four days (I’ve just gone back to sitting now today because I believe it was making me feel even more exhausted...My left hand is quite has gone strange with veins that are very see through poking up through the skin, and this is because I keep putting my hand down on the desk while I’m standing...it can get really quite sensitive.

I had damaged my legs from the sitting room chair. The chairs down here I have a tendency to sit on my feet and get pins and needles all day...which i do not know if that has any perminant damage but I'm told it doesn't)

But what was really horrible was that I’ve been getting times where I’ve got very apathetic towards my animation...which is unlike me. This is a tiredness problem and you start to go weird when your very tired...because I know myself with 100% certainty that I love making these films.

I could go on further but I need a rest here. I’m sure that if I go outside and get air...and do some gardening that I might get some clear brain therapy. I think fresh air is important and I don’t get enough of it.

THE SURPRISINGLY GOOD NEW FILM - MICRO MEN

This was really good. A black comedy about the rise and fall of the UK computer business written by Tony Saint and directed by Saul Metzstein.

If your lucky you can watch it here for free (perfectly legal) ...[here]

SATURN 7 - CHARACTER ANIMATION TESTS

Just very quickly here. This is the first time I’ve had to officially back down and say to myself that I need help. And so what you are about to see here is character animation by a company called Dosch Design (that sells human character animation)

There is just no way that I would be able to do human character animation that is this good. I’m good at lighting, camera work and designing things with primitives.

It's because of companies like this that I am able to make better films and so we are indeed living in amazing times for the independent filmmaker.

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 4 OF 6

DECISION TIME AGAIN

So I was out of college...I was now a post graduate...six years combined this was (across two art colleges) and I was out. Now things at this point were not good for me health wise...I’d lived on my own in my own personal ground floor flat for two years...and I had drank an awful lot of alcohol and not eaten properly (I had however cycled a lot so my legs were very strong and still are or at least visually they are)...I actually got a car in the final year at college which was an absolute god send with regards to grocery shopping...putting all your shopping into bags or bag is a nightmare on a bike (maybe should have got a huge back pack actually...ah well).

I had to decide on wiether to stay in the city at this flat, or move back home with my parents...many people of course hate going back to the parents after being independent for so long...and I can tell you its not easy...it took a while to adapt...but I believe there are times where you are meant to go into full rest...full R&R...and I needed this.

So I spose what happened next was I got comfortable-ish living at home...and…well, here’s the part that had me uncomfortable in my chair for a few years…

...when I finished the degree, the head lecturer said to me “Michael, you did the wrong degree…you should have done a filmmaking degree.”...and I’ve always kind of thought about film school, and if I should go there (to be honest I still do nowadays sometimes)...but at the same time I felt that it was time to make films...you MAKE them and LEARN that way by MAKING them...but you need a lot of TIME.

But at the same time I was thinking that perhaps going to the big city and meeting like minded film making people might be good for me...it MIGHT lead to you meeting the right people (by that I mean forming the dream crew where you make a film and it’s a success that leads to things)...you hear stories of how such and such filmmaker met such and such a filmmaker at college and how they kept in contact and helped each other out.

But at the same time I had just had six years of education and was quite frankly a bit sick of it. It still bakes my noodle though (as the lady in The Matrix says)...its better not to think about what ifs.

THE NEED TO MAKE MORE FILMS WAS NOW VERY STRONG

So I then embark on seven years of making animations and silent documentaries.

FILMMAKER MIKE PETER REED TALKS ABOUT WHY HE MAKES FILMS

GETTING OLDER

Well now I’m twenty eight. It gets more and more interesting the older you get. Getting older seems to be a constant stream of realising things...you suddenly have a moment where you know / understand something you didn’t for many years.

I am now gradually going bald on the top back section of my head...what the lady said on a podcast I listen to is apparently true (another realising moment)...she said that men start to sprout hair on other various parts of your body...gradually of course!...but it’s kinda unfair!...it is indeed happening though.

MY HERZOG EMAIL

Hello. I’m Michael J. Dowswell, a unknown director trying to get a letter to Werner Herzog.

--------------------------

Dear Werner Herzog,

I really do not know what to write here...ok, I’m going to write something.

I’ve been a big fan of yours for some time now. Your commentaries on the DVD’s were a great comfort to me (that and David Lynch and Terry Gilliam interviews)...and I feel that we share the same passions on a number of topics.

I have never storyboarded...I’ve always seen something special, grabbed my camera, and shot it...spontaneous filmmaking is important to me...happy accidents are important to me...solitude has also been a part of it, and I think the films would not have been possible without the solitude.

I have shot cats seeing and going into snow for the first time in their lives...a massive hydro mechanical cow that does the toilet...and kittens pretend fighting and growing up into adult cats. One time I purchased the wrong classical CD by accident and then later on found myself using a lot of the music on that CD for three of my films.

I very recently had a strange thing happen to me when I watched your film Little Dieter Needs to Fly for the first time (which I loved by the way) and I was somewhat put into a very strange place when I saw a scene in your film where Dieter is in front of a glass window of jelly fish...it was the first time that your film reminded me of my own film From Behind Glass.

With admiration,

Michael J. Dowswell
Independent Director/Cinematographer/Editor

http://www.studiotacitus.co.uk/

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 3 OF 6

So now I was doing a slightly unusual three year long degree...the title was Multimedia Design and Digital Animation and this was similar in some respects to the first qualification I did (it was a large number of subjects being thrown at you all at once)...except with the first qualification you didn’t touch a computer...this was pretty much all on a computer.

I use to talk to a friend on the degree, and we both agreed on multiple occasions that there really was nothing...NOTHING else, like what we were doing (that had such massive diverse varation) going on at the art college...it was a very experimental degree and I think it had only been on the go for six years...and because computers are in a state of constant change...so was our degree.

There was graphic design, web site design and web site building, CD ROM design and CD ROM building...that you understand has computer programming in it...3D animation, Video production and a LOT of complaining by the people who were on the degree. You see...

...there were ALL SORTS of different people who had reached different levels of difficulty with regards to using a computer and using 3D software...some had never used any before and some were going onto this degree knowing quite a lot about it...

...also, you see...3D animation consists of a whole bunch of things...Lighting, modelling, technical directing, directing, cinematography, texturing, character animation and story telling. It's really a lot to put on the old plate.

TIMES I WANTED TO LEAVE THE DEGREE BUT DIDN'T

There were moments of real despair with the computer programming because I find that sort of thing very difficult...there was a big focus on GROUP projects in year two and this had a mixture of feelings with me too...but, you have to understand they are putting you into a pressure cooker with that stuff on purpose to get you to learn what it’s like.

THE DECISION TO GO SOLO

Eventually I ended up doing a solo animation as my big finishing project for the degree. It went down very well and some people even started to treat me differently than they had done previously.

It is most odd for people to treat you like shit one minute and then treat you like a king the next...this was going to become a common occurrence for me in the coming years.

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 2 OF 6

THE START OF WHAT WAS TO BE SIX YEARS AT ART COLLEGE

So there I was at the beginning of my art college era. I ended up doing three qualifications in a row!...I drew, painted, calligraphied, typographied, technical drew, miniature model made and many other things...and that was all in year one...the qualification was called National Certificate in Art and Design...there was also a photography section...which I liked a lot...it flew past and I was at the end of it. So it was goodbye to all the people I knew and then a decision.

WHAT NEXT?

It’s strange but your always coming to a crossroads when your very young (or for that matter through your entire life really)...you have to decide (or at least well, I was extremely lucky to be in this situation of having a CHOICE where It was POSSIBLE to do this) what to DO next. Deciding what to DO next sometimes is never very easy... (or when you’re a young me it wasn’t...when you’re a present day me it isn’t iether)...but, when your very young, your inexperienced...there’s no combined knowledge that has built up over the years.

For me, I liked the look of the HND in photography (this was going to last two years)...and I was going to come out of it knowing about lenses...(which looking at things now was really vital for things to come)

There was two little sections on this HND of video production, where I did a sort of a car advert and a video about a small zoo. There was a pig there called Basil that we video-ed...that was pretty funny (or him making the noise he made was!)...These projects went down very well with the lecturer in charge of it and I got awarded one merit for each project...he liked my editing ability a lot.

A CHANGE OF COLLEGE

So again it was the question...what do I DO now?...at this stage I was looking at the option of - do you become a wedding photographer?...how do you MAKE MONEY out of being a photographer...I had NO CLUE at all...and I did NOT like the idea of becoming a wedding photographer. I didn’t even know that you could get a job as a stills photographer on short films and feature films...I didn’t KNOW that that even existed until much, much later.

So I ended up at this much bigger art college doing this bizarre degree (that actually got terminated two or three years after I left which I find odd)

DOWSWELL ON DOWSWELL PART 1 OF 6

REACTIONS

As a little kid I did drawings...and there was always (and my mum will tell you) big reactions from adults (teachers and friends of my mother) saying things like “wow...look what that little kid did...he’s got the perspective right and everything”

All the way through my youth all I could do was draw...so what happens to somebody who can only draw?...they end up at art college that’s what happens (not always, ok, not always...but I did...I’m one of the very lucky ones...to have been able to go there...and to be living in a country that is in peaceful times...I’m not living in a war zone...I’m not a homeless child on the streets of Moscow...I was one of the highly privileged people who had a choice...many don’t.)

ILLNESS

I had been off secondary school for four years with a illness called ME and the education people and medics were always wanting me to go back, because there was a fear of me losing out on social skills and also becoming unfit with lack of exercise. They did send me back and it always resulted in me being sent back home. Eventually when I got to age sixteen I was given the choice by somebody (cant remember who exactly but I think it was a english teacher) who said “well you can now legally leave school if you want...you don’t have to be here anymore...you might want to think about that”

And so I did leave school. And at age seventeen I went to Art College with a folder full of drawings.

REAL TIME SAND ART FILM

Keep watching this one...it gets more and more interesting the further into it you get...just simply amazing.

A BETTER QUALITY

Have finally got around to uploading higher quality versions of two more of my silent documentaries From Behind Glass and Into Unknown Terrain both shot in 2006.

BACK ONTO WHILE THEY SLEPT AGAIN

That's right. Who knows for how long?

SOMETHING FUNNY

This really cracked me up and also reminded me a lot of video undernieth it too.





Thanks to Robert Edwards and James Russell for the tips!

SATURN 7 - SNOW TEASER

I'm calling this one the Snow Teaser.

ANOTHER TEASER

Don't worry about the editing here in this...it'll be quite different in the final thing.

SLIGHTLY MORE POLISHED TEASER

A bit happier with this one...but am straight onto working on another one.

SATURN 7 - TEASER 3

Here it is...

NOTE: Not terribly happy with some of it, but launching it out there anyway. There was actually meant to be another shot in here (and when you have so few shots, one shot can make quite a big difference)...but technical problems with it didn't seem to be solvable. I’m going straight onto making a better one right now today!

NOTE: Have taken the video down, about to upload another one.

...AND IF YOU ADD NOISE TO IT?...

...it looks like this.

OR DO I GO BACK INTO BLACK AND WHITE?...

...I get really very frustrated about colour, and can never decide what to do with it...so heres some black and white tests.

MORE TWEAKING WITH THE DOOR SHOT

I tend to randomly jump around from shot to shot when I work in order to keep it interesting and in order to keep a fresh eye to things...so basically I went back here and noticed some things that it needed.

MEG IN THE CONNECTION TUBE - RE-LIT

Had to change the lighting in a big way, wasn't too happy with the way it was before.

CONNECTOR TUNNEL

Work in progress on the connector tunnel.

MEG'S SPACE BOOTS

It’s not much, but I’ve done Megs space boots now….at least that’s something done today!

MORE TESTS / COLOURING

More test renders. I try really hard to put as much detail in there as possible but to also move onto the next shot quickly (or i'd be here for five years working on one film)...I'm not sure about this scene, its OK, but my design skills at times feel very inadequate...I can see why people have a fleet of concept artists who make beautiful paintings. But I don’t have that so I have to settle for this I spose.

TWO MORE IMAGES

The doors were created today. I got rid of the red hair on the lady. The body floating on the bridge was a experiment to see what that would look like.

SATURN 7 - TEASER

Managed to record the music and render out two of these shots today and then edit this together.

A LITTLE TEASER POSTER

I think my brain is going to explode from too many ideas. I wish these ideas could be made quicker.

DIFFERENT COLOURS

MY SCIENCE FICTION HORROR ANIMATION CONTINUES ON

Yep...still not managed to steer onto While They Slept...if anybody wants to give me a slap, then by all means give me a slap...I've got addicted on this new one...just want to make this into a teaser.

YOU JUST CANT HELP BUT BE AMAZED BY THE 2012 TRAILER

I'm really jaw on the floor about some of the shots in the trailer for Roland Emmerich's 2012. If this really is CGI, then its reached a new level. I've still not had a look at the HD of it though, or Avatar yet iether...should be able to do that this month.

A BIT OF RED

Because it's horror, I think it needs a bit of red in there.

SPACE STATION

Had to do this...can't explain to you in any other way. Ok well I can. I had this idea for a design for a space station, and had to act on it quickly.

CONFESSION ABOUT THE PERNICKETY THING

Ok I have a confession. I…..DID get...and couldn’t stop myself from getting pernickety about that piece below...and actually rendered out about three versions of it...I’ve actually replaced it with another version.

I’ve got a real good idea how I could make it into a teaser for a science fiction horror at the moment.

BENCHMARK MOMENTS IN CINEMA FOR RAYTRACING #005 - JURASSIC PARK - 1993

And of course the T Rex from Jurrassic Park. The sequences in the movie were amazing.

BENCHMARK MOMENTS IN CINEMA FOR RAYTRACING #004 - TERMINATOR 2: JUDGEMENT DAY - 1991

The moment where the terminator pours himself into the helicopter was one I wont forget. What really made that shot so special was the reflection of the pilots face.

LOSE THE PERNICKETY?

Trying to get less pernickety here. These character models are of course Cinema 4D default and look a bit dodgy in places (when your up close to them)...anyway though, its much better than I can do. The helmets / air canisters / set / lighting / blood is all by me.



I don’t know if any of you are aware, but for a long time I’ve wanted to change over from doing robot peg leg characters to doing human characters...in fact at the end of the long road of frustration its all I really want to do...am I happy with this piece?...no...but I just want to attempt something here with it.

The long road of frustration I go on about is something quite silly...which is every single animation I’ve ever done I am not happy with...with regards to the characters in them.

Peg leg characters walking across a set was created because it meant I could have a character walk across a set in full view...and...I could get on with the solo animation at a decent speed with the goal of it being completed.

It ultimately leads to a unhappy Dowswell though, because your not really carrying out your true vision.

But you continue to create because its all that you can do...

ANOTHER ANIMATION?

uh oh!...UH OH!...

*scream*

Well I got a bit carried away here, but I really like this title card a lot!



I don’t know if I’ve ever said...but one of the things that I absolutely love the most, is putting text onto the images I’ve created...weither be something CG or a photo I always love the measuring it up and balancing it out...I think really, I’m a bit of a graphic designer at heart.

Theres a piece of music that for some time now I've wanted to use to do another animation to...but I should not get into doing another animation at this point.

COLOUR CHANGE

Just tweaked it a tad.

DID SOMETHING

Currently sort of stuck in a state of not doing much...I spose it’s a break period...burnout again I think.

But I did this after being strongly influenced by the new colour scheme on the new Shooting Stars tv series.

BENCHMARK MOMENTS IN CINEMA FOR RAYTRACING #003

Another rare moment was when Davy Jones arrived on the silver screen...it was a very special moment that I actually got to see at the time whilst I was in USA. He was special for a number of reasons...1) The eyes 2) The way he moved 3) The quality of light on him 4) The detail / oraganicness of his skin

These four points are probably the most important things when it gets down to it.

BENCHMARK MOMENTS IN CINEMA FOR RAYTRACING #002

The big one.

This one blew me away when I saw it for the first time (and still does to this day)...I think I saw it in about 1989 or 1990...it was of course done in 1985...and the movie is Young Sherlock Holmes.